1. In five billion years, the Sun will enter one of its last phases of life and expand into a red giant, engulfing the Earth. Don't worry, it'll be long abandoned by then.
2. Two years ago, the planet was conquered by a powerful and malevolent dictator and overrun with these horrible metallic spheres, decimating the population.
3. A week ago, the planet was very nearly swarmed by metal-skinned flying stingrays that wanted to turn the planet into a single, endless and lifeless desert.
4. Three years ago, Earth actually was invaded by rampaging, murderous aliens that look like flying dustbins, bent on exterminating all life from the universe.
5. Oh, that's right, at the same time there were thousands of other aliens, these mechanical men with the aim of converting all humans into cyborgs.
Gosh, there's a lot of overrunning going one, hmm? Well, might as well stay on a roll...
6. The dustbin aliens almost did it again in 1930.
7. Another set of aliens that look like baked potato men almost conquered the Earth with killer automobiles.
8. The dustbin aliens almost did it again in the 2002nd Century.
9. A big puddle of plastic tried to use store window mannequins to destroy the world. That was... four years ago?
10. Honestly, the dustbin aliens just keep trying.